(This is a student politics pieces for the University of London Union, quite esoteric)
It was a bright cold day in June, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Student X slipped quickly through the glass doors of ULU. Passing through the corridor that smells of boiled cabbage and entering the gallery bar. Sipping on a Victory gin student X decided to ask fellow alumni, dressed in blue overalls, if they knew anything about the student elections. The fact that the results of the previous election had been annulled bemused Student X but didn’t worry him. It had been done by higher authorities than himself, who naturally must have had his best interests in mind, no need to inquire what those were, after all ignorance is strength, isn’t it? Those in the bar, prudently not wanting to be caught expressing an opinion in the open, produced a small sheet of paper which was slid along the bar for student X’s inspection.
The slenderness of this morsel of paper was immediately apparent, but all concerns were quickly relieved when it could be seen that boldly printed stood the name of the single candidate running in the election. Others had wanted to run for the position, but again the wisdom of higher authorities had ruled against it, and who was student X to question this decree. Under the name of the single candidate approved by the Union leadership stood another box though remarkably unimpressive and almost wilting by comparison. The anaemic characters accompanying the box spelt out the despicable name of the union’s most contemptuous enemy. The subject of innumerable official denouncements and minutes of hate, the presence of this name on the ballot paper was to irrefutably prove how ultra-democratic the student union really was, dare it ever be challenged. But perhaps more importantly the name was there to remind those doubters within the union that dark forces were still amongst them, that fifth columnists were still at large, making the need for unconditional loyalty to the union leadership as vital now as it had ever been. This in mind student X drunk up and left the bar with equal haste and purpose to immediately cast his vote for the Union’s candidate. Any possible advent of the thermidor had to be stopped! But unbeknown to student X the thermidor had already arrived and RON, that despicable Re-Open Nominations, was the only name that could ever have halted it.
The above might be subject to a tiny bit of over dramatization but when one considers how exceptionally apathetic the student body can be in response to the unsettling prospect of spending all of five minutes registering a vote in the ULU elections, such hyperbole might be more than justified. Even though President Chessum, fortunately limited by the duration he can spend in office, can’t hope to quite recreate these scenes, it seems to many onlookers that he’s taken a fair whack at it none the less. It would be incredulous to think that it has been lost on anybody watching that the solution posed for the election of the editor of the London Student, stinks of a catch of the twenty second variety.
After annulling the original vote, on the basis of one line’s worth of comment made in the London Student regarding a candidate, on whose campaign webpage Chessum appears as an official supporter (any implication that this had anything to do with Chessum’s decision is made expressly by the choice of the reader and not this author). Agreement is unanimous that this singular line of print must certainly have defiantly and indisputably skewed the voting process to a point at which any decent person in Chessum’s shoes would have to have annulled the vote and not release the results at risk of popular disillusionment and outrage, which thankfully has been completely avoided.
After the annulment Chessum then threatened to resolve the result of the election by passing it to the body that democratically transcends any mere hum drum student election process, known as the ULU senate, upon which no less than a shameless 5 more names which also appear on a certain list of official supporters campaign webpage also sit. But thankfully the union leadership is going back to basics by re-running the election. Except without re-opening nominations after the Katie Latham dropped out of the running, meaning that it is now one man, one vote, for one man. Such railroading tactics have led many to liken ULU to an authoritarian regime that fashions tin pots and a republic whose main agricultural export is Bananas.
This insidious manoeuvre only adds to the gleaming reputation that the Chessum-Cooper partnership has already managed to make for itself. Notably this is not the first time president Chessum has stood in the way of democratic procedure. Casting our memories back to the dark days of November 2012, the simple request by the over 1500 strong student group calling for a No-Confidence vote to be held against the Vice President of ULU after his public rejection to lay a poppy wreath on behalf of the students of ULU, was continually and persistently blocked by president Chessum. Using the excuse that the signatures collected by the group were not secure because even though the corresponding student ID numbers and college email addresses were also collected with the signatures, there was apparently no way of knowing that those who had signed the petition were not coerced into doing so, or perhaps were in fact aliens. Even those who were not supporters of the poppy campaign can surely recognise that events appear to be repeating themselves as tragedy turns to farce. Add to this the suspiciously timed attempt to No-Confidence the editor of the London Student, Jen Izaakson, who was elected after bravely running against other candidates, on no less than trumped up charges and one finds that there is a latent contempt amongst the top brass at ULU for democratic procedure. Especially as its never been explained how the votes that were made for and against Jen Izaakson were conclusively proved to have been secure, beyond all possible doubt.
This is why voting RON in the sham of an election being held on 5th -7th of June is so important for all those who care about democracy. It’s also for those who wish to truly annoy the self-important fat cats of ULU, elected by a tiny percentage of the student body who then claim to represent over 100,000 students. President Chessum in his scurrilous behaviour is a man who caught short has relieved himself in his own hat and it is now the golden opportunity of the student body to force him to have to clamp that brimming chapeau back onto his own head by making sure RON is triumphant. And with that as your inspiration students of ULU go forth, spread the word and begin the festival of Ron Paul, Ron Burgundy, Ronald Reagan, Ronald MacDonald, Ron Weasly and Popping Ron based memes and jokes upon which this campaign is so crucially staked.
Ben Rogers, LSE
